Back to Blog

Nothing But Love: Embracing Your Queer Feminine Energy

#dancebreak empowerment energy feminist gender lgbtqia+ queer queer tantra May 12, 2023

There has been so much written about feminine energy by straight women. You could spend a whole lifetime wading through the thinking, books and art that have been produced. I want to talk about divine feminine energy within a queer context.

As with all gender energies, the gender you were assigned at birth has nothing to do with accessing gender expressions such as masculinity, femininity, androgyny, trans, bi-gender and more. If you are human, then you can explore gender through energetic expression. It is your birthright.

So much of what we have inherited as the ideals of being feminine gets in the way of being able to distinguish divine feminine energy. Think about the associations that come to mind when you think of what is feminine. You might even jot them down as they come to mind. So many of them are cliches or stereotypes that no longer fit. Misogyny is uncovered when we realise that we associate femininity with being passive. Perhaps our associations are related to being weak, lesser than, or small. If we only relate femininity in relation to men then we can see the patriarchy is at play again.

We have to do the work to sift through the chaff and grain. Chaff is the husk that we can let slip through our fingers or blow away into the breeze. The grain is what we get to keep. As always, keep what empowers you and throw away the rest. Once we do the work to distinguish what femininity is not, we can explore what feminine energy is.

What is femininity?

There are many, many faces to femininity from nurturing to fierce love to depths of emotion. Sometimes it’s wild, sometimes it’s tender. Archetypes can help explore these aspects of feminine energy. Traditionally archetypes have included The Maiden, The Mother, The Crone, The Goddess, The Seductress, The Warrior, The Enchantress, The Siren, and The Amazon.

They even have stories and mythologies shaped around them such as Joan of Arc, Athena, Kuan Yin, Shakti, and many more.

But many of these archetypes are still heteronormative. One of the things that makes LGBTQIA+ people unique is that at some stage in our life, we’ve had to confront our sexuality and often our gender and do deep internal work to come out the other side with an understanding of ourselves that we can live with. This often includes deciding whether to come out or not. Listening for what has integrity for our lives. This kind of deep looking produces a unique kind of human.

Lesbians have been told we must be man-haters or that we ourselves must be masculine. Or if femme presenting, that we just haven’t met the right man yet and that all we need is some good… I don’t even need to finish that sentence. We’ve heard it before. Ugh. 

We invent our own archetypes from the fierce and emotive Bette (The L-Word) who is one hell of a Shakti storm to picking Sporty Spice as a code word to represent us. 

To tap into divine femininity requires the most expanded definition our minds are capable of imagining. Take a deep breath. Expand your being. 

Divine femininity is everything manifest.

This means everything. All emotions, all experiences, everything in the physical realm, in nature… everything that has a shape to it, that is here in the world.

Picture a cornucopia -  a horn that is overflowing with fresh produce including flowers, fruit, and vegetables, originating in Greek mythology. It is known as the horn of plenty. The abundant supply of good things and everything manifest is the rich tapestry of feminine energy.

In my most recent post, I explored the benefits of masculine energy and why you might cultivate it. Similarly, feminine energy has its own benefits and rewards from cultivating it. Let’s dive in and explore them.

How is feminine energy useful?

As we navigate through life, we often find ourselves striving for balance in all aspects of our lives, including our inner energy and resources. These are things that make us feel good. When we are well-resourced internally, we experience a better quality of life. This includes cultivating our femininity.

Being in our divine feminine means owning our power, strength and authenticity. It means being vulnerable as a way to open ourselves. It includes tapping into our intuition and listening in new and deeper ways. Being responsible for our power is the fine line between expressing ourselves fully and ensuring we are not directing our powerful emotions at others in damaging ways. 

Being part of the collective, being a part of the whole, and being a member of the human family allows for the experience of belonging. It allows for empathy.

Creativity often comes from feminine energy. It is the storm of all of it. It is energy itself that becomes manifest.

When you are in your feminine expression, you can open and expand. You give yourself permission to surrender and let go. The feminine needs something to surrender to. The magic ingredient is trust. When trust is present then the feminine can open. Without it, receptivity is limited. 

How do I access divine feminine energy?

Here are some ways to cultivate your feminine energy:

1. Take care of your body, mind and soul

The vessel you exist in is an aspect of you that is manifest. You are having a physical experience in this body. Self-care is an important aspect of cultivating feminine energy because it allows you to engage in practices that nourish your manifested self. 

Give yourself permission to indulge in activities that you enjoy, such as meditation, yoga, or reading a good book. Nurturing yourself and engaging in activities that bring you joy can help you feel more in touch with your feminine side. Make a list of the activities that nourish you.

2. Make sure your emotions get expressed

Pick up a pen and write for 3 A4 pages. Take a magazine and rip out any images that you resonate with. (If you need permission to rip a magazine, I give you permission.) Stick them onto a page. Try and capture the mood and texture of your emotions. 

Speak your emotions to someone you trust who can simply listen without offering advice. Stand out in the middle of the bush and scream. Cry into a pillow. Watch comedy and laugh until you cry. 

Do whatever you have to do to get your emotions expressed rather than stored. Create a safe space to express yourself without judgement or shame. Emotions always pass. Every. Single. Time.

3. Move 

Energy stagnates when it stays in the same spot for too long. Just like a puddle of water does when it’s cut off from any flowing source. 

Move your body. Take a #dancebreak. Put on a song and dance however you feel. 

Laying on your back with your legs bent and the souls of your feet on the floor, lift up your pelvis and gently but firmly drop it back down onto the carpet or pillow. Repeat. This motion will reverberate through your body and awaken the vitality and sexual energy in your body. 

Sexual energy never disappears. It is life force and it doesn’t go away completely. But sometimes it does go underground, like an underground river. It is always there, ready for you to reach down and awaken it.

4. Engage with nature

Nature provides a wealth of opportunities to connect with feminine energy. Take a walk in the bush or sit by the ocean and allow yourself to be fully present and attentive to your surroundings. This will help you connect with your intuition and inner wisdom, which are both key aspects of feminine energy. 

Observe how you engage with nature in your daily life. Do you have indoor plants or access to a garden? Can you walk home via the park? How about gazing outside at the skyline, spotting the moon or deliberately looking for the colours at sunset?

5. Carve out time for creativity

Creativity is an important aspect of feminine energy and can help you express your emotions and inner thoughts in a positive and constructive way. Engage in activities that allow you to be creative, such as painting, dancing, or writing. 

You do not have to identify as an artist to be one. What makes you an artist is that you do the art. A dancer is a dancer because they dance. A painter is a painter because they paint. A writer is a writer because they write. Do the thing.

By exploring your creativity, you can tap into a deeper sense of self-awareness and self-expression.

6. Chill out

Have a look at your last week and make a note of the downtime you had. Did you have any downtime? Did you experience relaxation or escapism? 

Find ways to weave in relaxation. Listen to a Yoga Nidra audio. Take a nap. Have a bath with Epsom salts and essential oils. Give yourself a full body massage with coconut oil - and I mean full. With no agenda and without any attachment to the outcome. Relax into it.

The challenge of connecting to our feminine energy

Life is not set up to cultivate feminine energy. It takes intentional and deliberate practice. Often we are organised around work in a masculine environment focussed on producing results. We are organised around multiple communication channels, an overload of information and stimuli and being busy and productive. We are not organised and our lives are not set up to encourage leaning into our femininity.

Step One: Grant permission

Cultivating feminine energy starts with granting yourself permission. Sometimes it can even help to ask a loved one to grant you permission if you find it challenging to grant it to yourself. I often ask my loved ones to say, Danica, you are allowed to rest. Danica, I give you permission to have time off. Is this weak or smart? Who cares? Do what works. Sometimes the practices or activities that nourish us seem pointless when measured up to our work addiction.

Step Two: Set up a supportive environment

No, I don’t mean be productive and clean the whole house before you can relax. (Even if you love house cleaning.) Practice taking micro-breaks. Sometimes this looks like leaving the laundry where it is and lying down on the bed with earphones in and an eyemask on. The earphones and the eyemask coupled with a minky blanket are how you set up a supportive environment. Putting your phone on silent or do not disturb will also support you. Use a timer or set an alarm so you’re not worrying about when it’s time for school pick-up or your next call. Give yourself fully to this moment of committed relaxation. 

Step Three: Surrender to something

The feminine requires something to surrender to. This could be giving your mind a safe place to park itself by listening to music or a guided meditation. The bath will hold you as will the warm water you immerse yourself in. The journal will hold your thoughts and emotions and separate them from your true divine self. As Anne Lister (Gentleman Jack), a prolific diarist and dubbed ‘the first modern lesbian’ wrote in her diary, “What a comfort is this journal. I tell myself to myself and throw the burden on my book and feel relieved.” 

The green landscape of nature gives your eyes somewhere to rest - as does the ocean meeting the horizon. Leaning your spine against the trunk of a tree allows you to be held. 

Shibari rope tying is a form of Japanese bondage that allows the rope to tightly hold you giving your body the room to surrender and your soul the experience of letting go. 

Step Four: Give yourself the gift of being present

The bliss of divine feminine energy rolls through the body like the waves of multiple orgasms. And it happens most powerfully when you are present and sober. This way you do not miss one precious moment of life experience. You won’t wake up later and not be able to remember your experience. While it might be a challenge to practice opening, surrendering and letting go while sober, this is the true practice of queer tantra.

Cultivating feminine energy is about taking care of your mind, body and soul, getting your emotions expressed not stored, engaging with nature, investing in your creativity and chilling out. Embracing your femininity allows room for all gender expressions. By cultivating it when you need it, you can tap into a deeper sense of self-worth and self-confidence and live a more fulfilling and balanced life.

The final test of whether you are drawing upon divine feminine energy is to divide human experience into two fundamentals. Fear and love. Anything fear-based is not coming from the divine. Everything coming from love - in the most expansive definition our minds can imagine of what love is - is from the source of divine energy. Nothing but love; everything from love.

Enjoy practicing! Oh, and if you need permission, I give you permission to start today. Take one micromovement.



The King Coach

P.S. If you like this conversation, you’ll love discovering the #1 problem that keeps queer, lesbian, and non-binary couples from having a fulfilling sex life. Download your free gift here.

Get me in your inbox!

Inspiration and love letters delivered right to your inbox. 

No spam. I will never sell your information, for any reason.