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Self-Cultivation for Queer Bodies

empowerment lgbtqia+ queer queer tantra relationships trans Jun 02, 2023

Every moment you invest in yourself is filling your cup. When you pour goodness and kindness into yourself you are juicing up your soul. It’s like priming the soil to receive all of the universe’s abundance that is ready and waiting for you.

To cultivate the self is to grow, to improve and to develop.

It happens when you sit for 15 minutes and quiet your mind, when you roll out the yoga mat and move through your practice, when you put on a song and dance however you feel… #dancebreak

These are the moments of self-cultivation.

In the world of queer tantra, these practices are not limited. They include sexual practices. Tantra is simply a spiritual framework for human experience. All of it. It does not exclude that we are sexual beings. It embraces our sexuality.

Self-cultivation in tantra terms includes and often refers to touching oneself. 

As a spiritual practice, if you are:

  • Expanding your capacity for pleasure
  • Imploding versus exploding your orgasms
  • Containing your sexual energy by breathing it back up into your body
  • Giving up being goal orientated or trying to get somewhere

Then you are cultivating the vitality which feeds and nourishes your Self.

Touch is a way that we can demonstrate our care for ourselves. Start with a self-massage. Use coconut oil. Lay down an old towel. Massage your body all over. Don’t miss any areas due to shame or critical self-talk. Of course, avoid the eyes! But don’t miss any part of the vulva (or what you’ve got.).

The point is to intentionally carve out some time and space for yourself. Make this a practice of connection with yourself. This means giving up being goal-oriented, in other words needing to make yourself climax. This may or may not happen. It’s not the goal. It’s completely welcome to happen, it’s just not the focus. 

In a world that often does not accept us for who we are, it can be a radical act to intentionally work on ourselves and prioritise our own well-being. Self-cultivation allows queer humans to take back control of our lives and pursue the things that bring us joy, pleasure and fulfillment.

An important aspect of self-cultivation for queer people is the need for self-compassion. Many of us have experienced discrimination, rejection, and trauma as a result of our identities. These experiences can make it difficult to show ourselves kindness and acceptance. However, self-compassion is essential for our well-being. By practicing self-compassion, we are telling ourselves that we are deserving of love and care. We show ourselves that we have dignity as a human being, no matter what the world may say.

Ultimately, self-cultivation is a deeply personal journey that requires self-reflection, intention and practice. It is a way to honour ourselves and our identities and to cultivate a happier, healthier, and more fulfilling life. Queer humans face unique challenges in this world, but by prioritising self-cultivation, we can show ourselves that we are worthy of dignity, love and growth.


Danica Lani

P.S. If you like this conversation, you’ll love the #1 problem that keeps queer, lesbian and non-binary couples from having a fulfilling sex life. Click here to get your free gift.

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