Back to Blog

Compelling Promises: Shaping the Future of Your Relationship

queer tantra Oct 06, 2023

In the world of love and partnerships, promises are like the seeds we plant for our shared future. They hold the potential to shape the course of our journey together. But, as we all know, promises are delicate and need careful tending, especially in queer relationships where the dynamics might differ from the mainstream.

First, let's acknowledge that promises are not about making each other happy. Happiness is a deeply personal journey, one we embark on ourselves. Similarly, none of our promises should revolve around the idea of our partner doing something for us. We're responsible for our own lives and happiness, but together, we can amplify that joy.

So, what kind of promises could we make? Let me share the promises my partner and I made when we got married, which have become our anchor:

1. I promise to love you exactly the way you are and exactly the way you're not.

This promise is a deep commitment to accepting our partners in their entirety, embracing their quirks, flaws, and strengths. It's about cherishing their essence, knowing that we love the complete person, not just the curated version.

2. I promise to cherish you and love you devotionally every day.

In a queer relationship, where love can be a profound force, this promise becomes a daily practice. It's a commitment to show love consistently, even on the ordinary days, not just the extraordinary ones. It also recognises that complacency is a killer of intimacy in long-term relationships and to cherish requires daily action.

3. I promise to empower you.

Empowerment is a gift we can give our partners, supporting them in their growth, dreams, and self-discovery. In a queer partnership, where the essence of self-expression is often celebrated, this promise takes on an even deeper significance.

4. I promise to unconditionally love and empower our children.

For those in queer relationships with children, this promise reflects the importance of creating a nurturing environment where kids can thrive, regardless of their gender or sexual orientation. It's a commitment to fostering love, acceptance, and understanding. This can also apply to fur babies or even to multiple partners. 

5. I promise to have a great life with you.

This promise encapsulates the idea that together, we're building a life that's not just good but great. It's about shared adventures, dreams, and creating a future that's uniquely ours. It’s also about the responsibility of having a great life landing squarely on my shoulders, not theirs. It’s my job to have a great life, not my partner’s to make sure I’m having a great life. Plus, if we are both seeing to it that we have a great life, then we will always have a great life.

Now, let's circle back to the idea that promises are like planting seeds. When we make these promises, we're casting our intentions into the universe, like planting seeds in fertile soil. But remember, seeds alone won't make a garden; they need care, nurturing, and patience.

In the context of our queer relationships, we can draw inspiration from tantric principles. Tantra teaches us the art of connection, not just physical, but emotional and spiritual. It's about deepening our understanding of ourselves and our partners, nurturing intimacy, and celebrating authenticity.

When we look at our promises through the lens of tantra, we see them as sacred commitments to return to our true selves and our higher commitments. It's a journey of discovering new dimensions of love, passion, and understanding, one that evolves with us.

Making promises in our queer relationships is like sculpting a future together that wasn’t going to just happen anyway. It's about honoring our word and nurturing a connection that's beyond what we can imagine possible now. So, take a moment to reflect on your promises, water them with love, and watch your relationship grow, develop and deepen. 🌱❤️


Danica Lani

P.S. If you like this conversation, you’ll love the #1 problem that keeps queer, lesbian and non-binary couples from having a fulfilling sex life. Download your free gift now.

Hello my friend, 🌈 I'm Danica Lani, your empowering guide on a journey of self-discovery and liberation. With over two decades of yoga practice and a decade of teaching experience, I've led transformative workshops on queer tantra for hundreds of queer-identifying women, non-binary, and trans individuals since 2014. My mission is to empower you to disappear lesbian bed death and for queer people to enjoy long, juicy, and fulfilling lives together. Join me as we discover the power of tantra within a queer context. 🤗💖 #QueerTantra

Get me in your inbox!

Inspiration and love letters delivered right to your inbox. 

No spam. I will never sell your information, for any reason.