Back to Blog

But why Drag? 10 ways drag can make you a more rounded human.

drag drag king kings of joy lgbtqia+ queer queer tantra Apr 20, 2023

Imagine a place, a safe place, among people who get you on some level, who perhaps have a similar lived experience... imagine gathering together, week after week to lean into and explore gender. It's what I recommend in all my queer tantra workshops. Lean into a variety of gender expressions. Give yourself permission to explore gender and see what opens up. 

Gender does not have to be static, gender does not have to be fixed. Gender is not attached to your sexuality. It is distinct. Gender can be a journey, a place to play and not worry about getting it right or wrong. Coming from the premise that everyone has access to a range of gender expressions, regardless of the gender you were assigned at birth, allows for freedom, ownership and autonomy. 

Drag is a fun, super-charged way of exploring gender. Whether you explore hyper expressions of femininity, masculinity or 'thingness', the playing field of drag will leave you as more whole and complete, settled in your Self and 100% at home in your own skin whether you ever grace the stage or not.

Let’s dive into 10 ways in which exploring Drag has you be a more rounded human…

Promotes self-expression: Exploring drag allows you to express yourself in creative and unique ways.

What is self-expression? You could consider that the self you know yourself as is made up of your past life experiences and after a while, can become contained within your regular habits, the repetitive way we move through our days. This self starts to stick within certain confines and boundaries. It seems that the older we get, the less we play. The less we play, the less new discoveries we make for ourselves and the more the shape of who we are, stays true to what has already gone before. 

When we express ourselves in new arenas, we are altering the shape of who we are. In fact, we leave changed and fundamentally knowing ourselves as a different person. The person who started exploring Drag is not the same person who comes off the stage after their first performance. You are transposed into a larger version of yourself. You now know yourself as bigger, having expressed yourself in ways you’ve never expressed before.

Increases your confidence: The creative outlet of drag helps you build confidence by allowing you to embrace your true self.

Confidence is the belief that you can rely on someone or something. In this case, that someone is yourself. It’s the realisation that you can place your trust in and have faith in yourself. You can explore drag and lean into an exaggerated gender expression through the simple acts of clothing, makeup, changing your walk, how you sit, how you use your hands and using music and lyrics to lip-sync your way into the genesis of a new way of being. If nothing else, you will certainly find some fun and laughter as you explore.

This expansion is real and will increase your confidence in how you interact with others and even in how you walk down the street.

Gives you a sense of empowerment: Through drag, you can take control of your own narrative and express yourself on your own terms.

There are not a lot of rules in Drag. Draw on your own cultural heritage to avoid cultural appropriation or anything racially problematic. Don’t do representations of toxic masculinity on stage - we’ve all seen it/experienced it enough already. 

Taking control of your own narrative places you firmly in the driver’s seat of your life. No longer complaining from the back seat like we did when we were kids, “Are we there yet?” you are the driver and you can create anything. Pick a song that expresses something real for you. Go for comedy and parody. Be who you want to be on your own terms. Accept nothing less.

Builds a platform for your activism: Drag performers often use their platform to advocate for LGBTQIA+ rights and other important social issues. You can do this too.

Sometimes activism looks like simply showing up. Demonstrating that if you can do this, with all of your setbacks, limitations, society's expectations and demands and ghosts that haunt you, then that other person in the crowd who is like you - perhaps they are BIPOC, perhaps they have an invisible disability, perhaps they are non-confirming in their gender identity - that they can do this too.

Other times, activism is challenging gender stereotypes, leaving audience members confused about their gender or questioning their sexuality, and other times, it’s taking a stand and speaking about something that matters to you like No Milk In My T does or like our work with LGBTQIA+ refugees in Block 13, Kakuma, Kenya.

Fosters creativity: Drag encourages creativity and allows you to explore your own identity in new and exciting ways.

Remember how I was talking about the shape of your self and how we can become stale and our habits deeply ingrained? Well, creativity is the use of imagination or original ideas to create something. In drag, the something you are creating hasn’t been invented yet. It will be unique to yourself as you draw down on your own masculine energy, as you lean into extreme femininity, or, as I do, combine both into a half-half expression. Whatever it is that you invent, exploring drag will take you out of the zone where your everyday self resides, and exploring who you get to become in drag, will leave you knowing yourself as a more expanded version of yourself.

Creativity is not only good for your brain, it stimulates inspiration, broadens your horizons, can boost your mood and open up new connections.

Helps you navigate and understand your own gender and sexuality: By exploring different gender expressions, you can better understand and come to terms with your own gender and sexuality.

All those times when you have been misgendered, misunderstood, misheard or misrepresented, have left a mark. A constraint. That constraint might be concluding that it’s not safe to express yourself in a certain way or that there are parts of you that require masking or hiding. Not only is this exhausting, but this way of living hangs firmly on the idea that it matters what anyone else thinks. 

I’ve been told that at 70 is when you really stop caring about what other people think of you. Personally, I’m unwilling to wait until then. Your gender and your sexuality, whatever they are and however they evolve or not over time, is up to you. No one else gets a say in the matter. Only you do. 

Your gender and sexuality are keystones of understanding yourself and being free to be as a human being. And they are yours. Forever. Exploring the nuances of what feels good for you in your body, in your gender identity and in your sexuality is all part of being on this ride called life and is part of the pleasure of life. 

One of the great joys of being LGBTQIA+ is the permission granted us to explore deeply our gender and sexuality. Don’t leave one stone unturned and if you want to be at home within yourself, then know thyself. Intimately. 

Builds a sense of camaraderie and support: The drag community is often very supportive and accepting of all individuals, creating a positive and affirming environment.

Who wants to spend a lifetime trying to fit in? It’s exhausting, it’s a waste of time and your precious energy. Finding a community where you get to belong grants you a completely different starting point from which to leap forward and be yourself in the world.

There’s nothing like the bromance between Drag Kings, the camaraderie in a community and the ways we can uplift each other. Real Kings fix each other’s crowns.

Fosters empathy and understanding: By expressing yourself in different ways and presenting yourself in new and unconventional ways, you gain a better understanding and appreciation of diversity.

When we are limited in the self we have become, when we stay stuck in our known, yet comfortable spaces, we lower our tolerance for diversity. Diversity includes other people’s points of view (which, by the way, everyone has one), and accepting them, even if you don’t agree with them. Acceptance does not mean condoning. Acceptance does not mean tolerating. Acceptance means, Ok, I can see you have that point of view. 

Exploring your gender expression through drag broadens your capacity to be with other points of view without seeing them as a threat. Everyone has a point of view, including yourself. Don’t be surprised if you can’t see your own point of view - it’s like the air you breathe. Stepping into drag can allow you to see things from a new perspective. Allow yourself to expand and deepen in empathy with an appreciation for diversity.

Provides an opportunity for personal growth: Through drag, you can learn new skills and develop yourself both personally and professionally.

Like any new hobby or activity, learning new skills can be a challenge. Most people, myself included, do not like being a beginner. You might have a point of view about yourself that you can’t dance, or you have two left feet, or you wonder if you are allowed to take up space in that way. 

Developing a Drag persona gives you a space to step into that is beyond your everyday life. From this new vantage point, you can develop yourself to ask for what you want, take a stand or reach for the stars. Try it on and watch yourself grow.

Promotes a sense of humor and fun: Drag is often associated with humor and play, providing an opportunity for you to let go and have fun in a safe and accepting environment.

This last one is important. How much time do you allocate for fun each week? Recently, I realised that I believed that fun was a solo activity. The belief told me that if I made a list of things I like to do and went and did them by myself, that was what fun is. It was a wake-up call to see clearly that actually I tend to have the most fun when I’m with other people. (As much as my introvert side calls me to a cozy corner with a cup of tea and a book…) 

Here’s a question for you. If you don’t have an audience, in-person or online, imagined or real, does humour happen? It’s a silly question, however having performed in person for just under 40 years, as well as online, I know well that there is something magical that happens in front of a live audience. In tantra terms, it's the exchange of energy, the ojas or life force that occurs between humans. 

Playing with your Drag persona gives you permission and freedom to really let go and let loose. When was the last time you did that? (And dare I add when you were sober?)

From these 10 benefits of how exploring drag makes you a more rounded human, what is your favourite? What resonates with you? The truth is, we all need mechanisms in life that give us permission to enter new realms and expand ourselves. You can use books or courses, learn new ideas, you can experience new perspectives through travel or walking a different way home, but exploring Drag and growing in your gender and sexuality through Drag is by far the most fun you can have with your clothes on - and at times, off.



The King Coach

P.S. If you’ve ever wanted to be a Drag King, pop your name on the waiting list for Kings of Joy and join other first-time Drag Kings as we lean into the masculine. No experience or prerequisites are necessary. All genders are welcome. Go to

Get me in your inbox!

Inspiration and love letters delivered right to your inbox. 

No spam. I will never sell your information, for any reason.