Back to Blog

A Crush: What is it Good For?

empowerment energy lgbtqia+ queer tantra relationships Jun 30, 2023

Your eyes meet across the room. They give you a little nod of acknowledgment. You check behind you. Was that to me? Your heart flutters and you go weak at the knees…

Having a crush. Someone you fancy. There are many ways to describe that giddy feeling of initial attraction to someone. Sometimes this is a taboo topic in relationships - but it need not be.

It is normal, natural and human to be attracted to other people. And there is nothing wrong with this.

The stigma surrounding attraction and the social expectation of monogamy makes for a powerful stronghold. It’s not uncommon for people to believe that they should not ever be attracted to another person once they are in a committed relationship. 

The truth is, people do get attracted to other people - even while in a relationship. This is not the issue. The issue is only ever what you do with that attraction. 

If you act on that attraction while in an agreement with someone else that you won’t, then that will cause a whole set of problems and ethical conundrums. 

When you don’t make attraction wrong, but accept it as part of being human, then you have the freedom to channel the energy that arises from attraction back into yourself and your relationship.

So let’s have a look, what is a crush good for?

  • It gets you out of bed in the morning
  • It compels you to dress well, presenting yourself in an attractive way and aesthetically pleasing way - even if for yourself
  • It gives you vitality and helps you get over a slump in the day
  • It excites you and makes you feel alive
  • It gets your juices flowing
  • It can start new expressions of art and creativity that didn’t already exist
  • It gives you a skip in your step
  • It makes you smile

Overall, a crush can produce new works of art, flow juiciness into your relationship, and increase your energy and boost your mood.

Crushes are not something to be afraid of, they are something to be responsible for. Oh, and by the way, I recommend not keeping them secret. Secrecy leads to obsession. Being public about it (to the appropriate person/people in the appropriate order ie. your partner first) means you’re not hiding anything and you can safely channel the energy that arises back into the relationships and projects you are committed to.

xx Danica Lani

P.S. If you like this conversation, you’ll love the #1 problem that keeps queer, lesbian and non-binary couples from having a fulfilling sex life. Click here to get your free gift.

Get me in your inbox!

Inspiration and love letters delivered right to your inbox. 

No spam. I will never sell your information, for any reason.