Archives

Tagged ‘health‘
I’m in the clear!

I’m in the clear!

Do you ever not allow yourself to get excited until you’re sure that thing you want is happening? It’s been 2 weeks since the surgery and every day I’m feeling better and better. Today I saw my surgeon and it looks like I’m in the clear. I’ll need to monitor my cycle over the next few months but we think the removal of the fibroid has done the trick! The excitement comes from the real possibility, the future that my quality of life has just been dramatically improved. Watch out world…

 

Love,

Danica

Raw Chocolate Blissful Reunion

Raw Chocolate Blissful Reunion

Featuring me, raw chocolate and jazi

My first chocolate after 1.5 years of no chocolate or cacao of any kind. #lifeaftersurgery

One of my Tantra teachers recommended that I not eat chocolate or cacao as it’s a stimulant and could have been contributing to the heavy bleeding I was experiencing. Frankly, I was willing to try anything.

A mother’s love

A mother’s love

What is it about being in the presence of your mother’s love? There’s nothing like it. The calm, the warmth, the sense of security, being cushioned and cocooned, the quiet gentle support.

My mum was my perfect support partner today before during and after the surgery. And I got her all to myself!

I’m so grateful to be in my mother’s presence.

Last time I had this surgery in Jan I had kept it hidden, I was doing it on my own and was isolated. This time I built support and had so much love sent to me from all over the world. Thank you. I love you. And thank you Mum for being the best Mum in the world.

Love
Danica

How do we shift from carer to lover?

How do we shift from carer to lover?

Over the years, during periods of ill health, I’ve been fortunate enough to have had many women who have cared for me. [Thank you!! You know who you are.] And there have been times when I’ve been a carer to my partner. When a partner steps into a caring role, our attention and energy goes into tending to those practicalities that assist with healing – making food, taking care of household tasks, massage, making more food – chicken soup, have you taken your medication/vitamins? Being supportive and emotionally available.  Listening to vivid descriptions of symptoms, theories of self-diagnosis and oftentimes listening to complaining and whining. Some of us even worry about our partner’s health. Worry doesn’t make much of a difference – it can be a useful motivator at times, but it also comes with it’s own cost to our wellbeing.

After going through days or weeks of being the carer, what’s left when the care is no longer intensively needed? Habits of care? Do you find yourself now organised around caring for your partner? Your thinking and actions are now orientated that way? Do you ever notice what happens to your sexuality, to your sexual energy? When your partner is not well, it’s not always the time for raucous lovemaking. In fact, most of us restrain ourselves and set aside our desire when caring for our beloved.

Declaring a period of care complete goes a long way in being free to shift from carer to lover. I start with acknowledgement. Thank you for caring for me so beautifully and meticulously. You did a great job of taking care of me – thank you. There may even be some things to acknowledge that were challenging or painful. Thank you for not making me wrong even when I was at my most whiny or my most down and dark moments. Or simple things like, thank you so much for that chicken soup you made – it was magic for my bones.

It’s a simple declaration – thanks for the great job you did, and your work here is done. And here’s where sexuality comes in. Once we have shifted to a resting phase (see the work of Jaiya for more words on ‘resting’ – the kindest distinctions around sexuality I’ve come across), it often feels like our sexuality has become dormant. Maybe we feel shut down, cut off or numb? Physically and energetically. It’s like our sexual energy has gone to sleep. Guess what? It has! You’ve been in a resting phase.

In an ideal world, what’s your favourite way to wake up? Many of us wake up to the sudden interruption of an alarm to which our internal dialogue says, press snooze. But just imagine it’s your day off, there’s nowhere you need to be, how do you like to wake up? Sexuality can be like that also.  It’s needs some warming up, some gentle reawakening. It’s alive, and always there – it never goes away, and yet it can be dormant. Start with a gentle massage, and quite possibly some coconut oil…

By the way, for those of you who are now curious, interested or intrigued, I’ll be facilitating a Tantra is Love workshop on Yoni Massage at the 2016 7 Sisters festival.

Tracking Time II

Tracking Time II

A couple of posts ago, I shared that we’ve been tracking our time at work to get at the question, ‘How long do things actually take?’ I’ve discovered some more revealing insights about my relationship to what there is to do and handle in life. Tracking my time to the minute has given me a place to keep my focus. I notice I negotiate less with myself about what there is to do. Whatever is next is just the next thing. I spend less time arguing with myself, I consider less, put off less, wait less and take action more promptly.

I consider myself able to be rigorous when it comes to these kinds of things, so yesterday came as a complete surprise. When I look back at my time tracker for yesterday, there are gaps. In fact, there is a whole 9 minutes when I’ve got no idea what I was doing. Early on in the day it became evident to me that my concentration was all over the place. I Skyped my colleagues and said, wow, I’m so distractible today! While I wasn’t in pain, it was the first day of my period and I could feel the prana leaking from my body. It’s like the vitality drains from my face downwards and I’m a different person. It reminded me of the NASA experiments done on spiders. These images show a perfect cobweb made by a spider, then the cobweb made by the same spider after being given drugs, including caffeine. When we’re off, there are gaps…

Spiders on drugs

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Effect_of_psychoactive_drugs_on_animals#/media/File:CaffeinatedSpider.jpg

NASA – Noever, R., J. Cronise, and R. A. Relwani. 1995. Using spider-web patterns to determine toxicity. NASA Tech Briefs 19(4):82. Published in New Scientist magazine, 29 April 1995. http://www.caffeineweb.com/?p=15

Effect of drugs on spider web construction

Going Public

Going Public

This was my dirty secret. Earlier in the year, I had surgery to remove a polyp from the lining of my uterus. It didn’t make the difference to my monthly symptoms. What was uncovered however was a submucosal fibroid that is filling the cavity of my uterus. After months of working with a Traditional Chinese Medicine Doctor and seeing a gradual improvement in my symptoms, I’ve realised I don’t need to suffer and I could just deal with it out here, in reality. So last week, I booked myself in for surgery on Nov 9 to get the fibroid taken out. My new surgeon tells me it’s an easy procedure. I said, I’m glad it’s easy for you, but last time, it wasn’t easy for me. Apparently it’s like cutting through soft butter with hot copper wire.

In January, I had so much shame around having this wellbeing issue when most people know me as high energy, high metabolism and full of vitality that I kept it private and hidden. Actually, I was convinced that I was going to go in for surgery and not come back out. I knew it was illogical, possible even irrational, but that same tape just kept running in my mind until I was pretty much convinced. I figured I may as well use that drive for good, so I got my house in order. I even did my will which I’ve had on a list for years but never had any motivation to do.

This time, I’m doing things differently. I’m asking for support. My dear Mum is going to come up to Sydney and stay with me for a couple of days. I’m so touched by that. Last time my support person fell through and I was in such a bad state that the hospital refused to discharge me alone. I’m also going to continue working with my TCM Doctor, Dr Lily Liu to support me before and after and, I’ve decided that after surgery, chocolate/cacao is back on. It’s been a year and a half and I want my first chocolate to be made by raw chocolate creatrix, jazi. Not only will it be a melting of pure love and joy in my mouth, it also gives me a future that I’m excited about. I say, ‘bring it on!’

**Collage by Danica Lani, Feb 2015