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I’m in the clear!

I’m in the clear!

Do you ever not allow yourself to get excited until you’re sure that thing you want is happening? It’s been 2 weeks since the surgery and every day I’m feeling better and better. Today I saw my surgeon and it looks like I’m in the clear. I’ll need to monitor my cycle over the next few months but we think the removal of the fibroid has done the trick! The excitement comes from the real possibility, the future that my quality of life has just been dramatically improved. Watch out world…

 

Love,

Danica

Raw Chocolate Blissful Reunion

Raw Chocolate Blissful Reunion

Featuring me, raw chocolate and jazi

My first chocolate after 1.5 years of no chocolate or cacao of any kind. #lifeaftersurgery

One of my Tantra teachers recommended that I not eat chocolate or cacao as it’s a stimulant and could have been contributing to the heavy bleeding I was experiencing. Frankly, I was willing to try anything.

A mother’s love

A mother’s love

What is it about being in the presence of your mother’s love? There’s nothing like it. The calm, the warmth, the sense of security, being cushioned and cocooned, the quiet gentle support.

My mum was my perfect support partner today before during and after the surgery. And I got her all to myself!

I’m so grateful to be in my mother’s presence.

Last time I had this surgery in Jan I had kept it hidden, I was doing it on my own and was isolated. This time I built support and had so much love sent to me from all over the world. Thank you. I love you. And thank you Mum for being the best Mum in the world.

Love
Danica

Heal your gut

Heal your gut

Last week I discovered that Nurofen, belonging to a group of medicines called NSAIDs or anti-inflammatory medication, was likely to be contributing to my pain. Yup, not only did I have severe period pain, but I hit the jackpot and got gut pain as well. Happy days. I admit I went to Google for guidance. I asked, can I take nurofen for gut pain? What came up was a series of case studies where NSAIDs actually caused gut pain. So I switched to paracetamol. Meanwhile, my gut was definitely impacted. What works for gut pain? Well, I happen to have done a lot of personal discovery around that, and while I don’t have IBS anymore, I certainly am armed with plenty of home remedies for gut pain.

  1. Aloe Vera juice. Number one. Recommended to me by the man who did my colonoscopy.
  2. Pre-soaked chia seeds – when your gut needs a gentle internal massage. Similarly, psyllium husk.  Make with ginger tea for extra warmth.
  3. Self-massage and essential oils – peppermint oil especially.
  4. Peppermint tea
  5. Hot water bottle
  6. Natrajasana – Lying down sideways twists

I’m now on a ‘heal your gut in 7 days’ progression. Nicole Cunningham is a homeopath from Puraforce Remedies. She recommends making bone broth. As a paleo advocate since 2010, I’m a big fan of bone broth but have never made it at home. She says,

“The gelatin in bone broth protects and heals the mucosal lining of the digestive tract and assist with the digestion of nutrients. Bone broth is exceptional for healing a leaky gut.”

After a trip down to the local butcher at the Sydney Fish Markets, we picked up some 2kgs of beef bones, put them in the slow cooker, filled with water and turned on high for 24 hours.  I’ve had two days of bone broth – my hot tip is – it tastes good, just don’t smell it.

Love

Danica

Lost & Found?

Lost & Found?

After 4 days of severe pain, I have officially lost my sense of humour. If anyone has some spare lying around, please send it my way.

On a serious note, the connection between humour, laughter and healing has been espoused by many. It’s probably the first thing I forget when dealing with pain. Today, I remembered. And I remembered long enough to do something about it. Flashback warning – welcome to the mid 90s…

The first episode of Ellen the show cracks me up – who else has ever had a terrible photo taken for their drivers licence or passport (dammit! Those suckers last for ten years!)?

Indulge me and yourself  – Ellen makes me laugh.

This too shall pass

This too shall pass

I remember when I first realised that whatever experience of life I was having at the time it too would pass. I might have been cloud watching. That helps. Have you ever watched a cloud disappear? Evaporate right in front of your eyes?

Pain is like that. Pain passes. So does anger, sadness, jealousy and fear. Happiness seems to disappear also. I think I’d rather have permission to feel the full range of human emotions and learn to watch them like clouds rolling in and rolling out. As not me. My mentor Marjie says, wellbeing issues are arbitrary and capricious. She also creates the future for herself of All is Well and I’m happy. I can create that all is well. Happiness, even with the circumstances I’ve got? Well that’s something to develop myself in. Being happy no matter how much pain I’m in seems a stretch right now. However, I’m willing to develop myself and the first place to start is with everywhere where I’m not that.

Where would you be willing to develop yourself in being happy in the face of your circumstances being the way they are?

Love

Danica

 

Collage by Danica Lani

Truth telling

Truth telling

I’ve been afraid today. There’s even been tears. My symptoms increased and I got afraid.

Thank goodness I have such good support around me. I spoke to my committed listener this morning and she said, wellbeing issues are arbitrary and capricious. And, that the best place to deal with them is in reality. In other words, call your health professional, in this case my Gynaecologist. No, not Google. Yes, Google and I have an intimate relationship – I ask Google all of my questions, deeply personal and otherwise almost every day. But Google is not my health professional, even when Google provides me with information and often answers. Recently I Googled clotting. What I noticed is that out of the three websites that provided this very specific information, only one left me with that I didn’t need to be afraid, I just needed to find out what was so. The others, I was being pulled into a fear based mood of mild anxiety – in other words, I was left with, there’s something wrong here. That mood of anxiety that hums in the background like a distant swarm, the thrown way we have as humans called there’s something wrong here. There must be something wrong.

What if I created All is Well and I’m happy? Could I stand it? What if my circumstances were the perfect ones for my growth and development? Could I really be happy no matter my circumstances? Now is the time to practice.

ps. My Gynaecologist says not to worry. Plus, after surgery on Nov 9, I’m gonna eat chocolate again…

Collage by Danica Lani

Tracking Time II

Tracking Time II

A couple of posts ago, I shared that we’ve been tracking our time at work to get at the question, ‘How long do things actually take?’ I’ve discovered some more revealing insights about my relationship to what there is to do and handle in life. Tracking my time to the minute has given me a place to keep my focus. I notice I negotiate less with myself about what there is to do. Whatever is next is just the next thing. I spend less time arguing with myself, I consider less, put off less, wait less and take action more promptly.

I consider myself able to be rigorous when it comes to these kinds of things, so yesterday came as a complete surprise. When I look back at my time tracker for yesterday, there are gaps. In fact, there is a whole 9 minutes when I’ve got no idea what I was doing. Early on in the day it became evident to me that my concentration was all over the place. I Skyped my colleagues and said, wow, I’m so distractible today! While I wasn’t in pain, it was the first day of my period and I could feel the prana leaking from my body. It’s like the vitality drains from my face downwards and I’m a different person. It reminded me of the NASA experiments done on spiders. These images show a perfect cobweb made by a spider, then the cobweb made by the same spider after being given drugs, including caffeine. When we’re off, there are gaps…

Spiders on drugs

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Effect_of_psychoactive_drugs_on_animals#/media/File:CaffeinatedSpider.jpg

NASA – Noever, R., J. Cronise, and R. A. Relwani. 1995. Using spider-web patterns to determine toxicity. NASA Tech Briefs 19(4):82. Published in New Scientist magazine, 29 April 1995. http://www.caffeineweb.com/?p=15

Effect of drugs on spider web construction

Going Public

Going Public

This was my dirty secret. Earlier in the year, I had surgery to remove a polyp from the lining of my uterus. It didn’t make the difference to my monthly symptoms. What was uncovered however was a submucosal fibroid that is filling the cavity of my uterus. After months of working with a Traditional Chinese Medicine Doctor and seeing a gradual improvement in my symptoms, I’ve realised I don’t need to suffer and I could just deal with it out here, in reality. So last week, I booked myself in for surgery on Nov 9 to get the fibroid taken out. My new surgeon tells me it’s an easy procedure. I said, I’m glad it’s easy for you, but last time, it wasn’t easy for me. Apparently it’s like cutting through soft butter with hot copper wire.

In January, I had so much shame around having this wellbeing issue when most people know me as high energy, high metabolism and full of vitality that I kept it private and hidden. Actually, I was convinced that I was going to go in for surgery and not come back out. I knew it was illogical, possible even irrational, but that same tape just kept running in my mind until I was pretty much convinced. I figured I may as well use that drive for good, so I got my house in order. I even did my will which I’ve had on a list for years but never had any motivation to do.

This time, I’m doing things differently. I’m asking for support. My dear Mum is going to come up to Sydney and stay with me for a couple of days. I’m so touched by that. Last time my support person fell through and I was in such a bad state that the hospital refused to discharge me alone. I’m also going to continue working with my TCM Doctor, Dr Lily Liu to support me before and after and, I’ve decided that after surgery, chocolate/cacao is back on. It’s been a year and a half and I want my first chocolate to be made by raw chocolate creatrix, jazi. Not only will it be a melting of pure love and joy in my mouth, it also gives me a future that I’m excited about. I say, ‘bring it on!’

**Collage by Danica Lani, Feb 2015