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Inquiry
Being satisfied

Being satisfied

What if being satisfied in relationship was by declaration?  Werner invites us to try on – either we’re declaring ourselves satisfied in relationship or we’re committed to being dissatisfied in relationship. How can we tell? Just take a look at the laundry list of things we want to change about our relationships or we think is missing in or relationships. In giving that all away, the declaration “I am satisfied” gives an access to bliss. Such sweet bliss.

Love

Danica

Living with neighbours

Living with neighbours

I happily lived in an isolated location on the South East Coast of NSW for 3.5 years about 10 years ago. On 40 acres, 26kms outside the nearest town on a massive stretch of river, I could go a whole day without having spoken to anyone. The post came three times a week. I had no phone, no internet, no running water, no electricity and I thought I was going to live there for the rest of my life.

Now I live in an immaculately kept apartment building in Sydney cbd with around 200 other people. And yet I could easily keep myself in isolation. Is it my wiring to be a hermit?

What is it that gives us the experience of community? Is it living with people? It would seem that living with others in and of itself is insufficient. What gives us the experience of belonging? What if we could belong everywhere?

We had a Richmont Community building bbq on the rooftop today. Community often starts with people talking to people they wouldn’t normally speak to and then building from there.

If you look out into the communities you’re a member of, how did you become a member? I wonder if it’s all through declaration. The declaration I belong here. And we belong here together.

Love

Danica

Sparking Joy

Sparking Joy

I’ll be the first to admit that I’ve been a hoarder. Paper has been my main crime. I think I kept everything I ever wrote anything on. A number of years ago I created a vision for my living environment. I cut out pictures from magazines and wrote, I want to be surrounded by so much beauty, that it makes me want to cry. So why have I been decluttering for years?

I’ve found an answer in my favourite new book by Japanese author, Marie Kondo. It’s called The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying. An easy read and a shift in paradigm, she’s given me the access to clearing out anything that doesn’t ‘spark joy’. As per her coaching, I’ve started with clothing. She recommends taking everything out of drawers and wardrobes and making one big pile. Then one by one, touching each garment and asking yourself, “Does this spark joy?” It’s completely terrifying on one level – “what will the answer be?” “Will I be able to give up my attachment to this object?” It would seem there is only two real answers to the question, “Does this spark joy?” Yes or no. The increased happiness that I’m discovering from opening a drawer filled only with joy-inducing clothing has been well worth the experiment.

Love

Danica

 

Photo credit: Gitta Goldberg Photography

When Art is present

When Art is present

I have tears rolling down my cheeks, sitting face to face with my dear friend jazi after our shared birthday together. The words of acknowledgement have poured from me to her and now she is pouring words back to me. I get to be who I am because she is in my life and she gets to be who she is because I am in her life. She says something about all of my talents and skills and suddenly my internal dialogue pipes up, like it has something important to say.

 

Yeah, all of those talents you have that will go to your grave with you.

 

I catch it like a sharp edged object and examine it in my palm. What is that about?

 

Suddenly I realise what’s been in the way of sharing my talents. I’ve been waiting for someone to come along and tell me how to make money from my art. Before I share it. I remember, if it’s about the money, it’s not it. And I don’t need to make money from my art to live. I’ve designed my life that way.

What if I could be free to simply share my art for the sake of having art expressed in the world? I mean, that’s the kind of world I want to live in – a world where art is present. As a gift to the world.

Notes on failure

Notes on failure

I’m frustrated. I want to record this song for my beloved and I’m not practiced enough yet. It’s not a perfectionism thing, it’s literally the familiarity with the pathways for my voice and fingers on the guitar. I don’t have it down yet. This is not my first attempt.

Someone said to me recently, what if failure was simply falling short? Yeah but if failure was simply just falling short, what about my story and drama? Well, let’s see if we can set aside the story and drama for a moment and look at failure as simply falling short. I had a commitment to accomplish this thing and I fell short. I guess I could just get up again and discover what happens when I keep going…?

Where have you fallen short recently and could keep going, if only for the wonder of discovering what might happen?

Do you crave connectedness?

Do you crave connectedness?

I was talking with a new friend in Sydney recently. She acknowledged me for my openness when we first met. She said it was so refreshing to meet someone who she could connect with straight away (not like all those constrained Sydney people magnetised around looking good!)

Connectedness is what we crave. I wonder if ultimately it’s a fundamental want – that human beings want to experience being connected, and we mostly don’t. Or perhaps we do in moments. And, that mostly, we don’t have the access to getting what’s in the way, out of the way.

I love the movie Into the Wild, not only because of the haunting parallels to my own life, but also for the poignancy of the message – as Christopher adjusts to living in the wilderness, he finally gets that, in his words, “Happiness is only real when it’s shared.”

I loved living by myself in the bush. Surrounded by National Park on a stretch of river. When I think of those 3.5 years though, my fondest memories are actually those times with the friends and lovers who stayed or lived there. It’s almost like those times by myself, take more effort to make stick in my memory. I imagine those will be the moments, those moments of connectedness that I’ll remember on my death bed. Those experiences that will make up the rich tapestry of my life – when I was connected, present and completely real with another human being.

Love

Danica

Chocolate or Vanilla

Chocolate or Vanilla

Have you ever gone on a miracle walk? A miracle walk has one purpose – to go walking and be open to miracles. It’s quite extraordinary what can open up. Of course the first step is to actually go walking. You don’t get the same miracles if you don’t go on the walk.

My dearest friend jazi was on one of these walks today. In Noosa. Well actually, pretty much all of her life is one big miracle walk. That’s just how she rolls. Here’s one of the miracles that showed up today after her car broke down amongst the luxurious beauty of Queensland. She did what any self -respecting woman would do in her situation. After taking care of business, she homes in on the nearest organic café. Not only did they have Co-Yo ice cream, they had two flavours. Chocolate or Vanilla. How often does life give you but one choice – the bank balance you have, the physical symptoms you have, the body you have right now, the family you have. In this instance, the universe serves up my friend with two choices: Chocolate or Vanilla. Choose. And you know what she said:

So of course, I chose both.

I love living in an AND world and discovering where you really can have it all.

Love

Danica

Raw gourmet handmade with love chocolate by jazi

Heart Break

Heart Break

Mostly we go through life doing our best to avoid heartbreak. And yet it happens. Our hearts get broken over and over again. And it’s not only in intimate relationships. It might be in losing a job or accountability at work, or someone dying or a project falling short.

Perhaps there are times when our hearts have been broken and we’ve been able to bounce back – with the support of those around us or the security and depth of our spiritual connection. Then there are some times in life where we seem to get our hearts broken over and over and over, in a series of events. Smash, smash, smash. How do we heal our hearts then?

Some people say it takes time. But every transformation happens in a heartbeat. In a moment…. Do we need time? Does healing heartbreak, especially a series of them, happen over time?

This too shall pass

This too shall pass

I remember when I first realised that whatever experience of life I was having at the time it too would pass. I might have been cloud watching. That helps. Have you ever watched a cloud disappear? Evaporate right in front of your eyes?

Pain is like that. Pain passes. So does anger, sadness, jealousy and fear. Happiness seems to disappear also. I think I’d rather have permission to feel the full range of human emotions and learn to watch them like clouds rolling in and rolling out. As not me. My mentor Marjie says, wellbeing issues are arbitrary and capricious. She also creates the future for herself of All is Well and I’m happy. I can create that all is well. Happiness, even with the circumstances I’ve got? Well that’s something to develop myself in. Being happy no matter how much pain I’m in seems a stretch right now. However, I’m willing to develop myself and the first place to start is with everywhere where I’m not that.

Where would you be willing to develop yourself in being happy in the face of your circumstances being the way they are?

Love

Danica

 

Collage by Danica Lani

Lazy Sundays

Lazy Sundays

Those rare days when I have nothing scheduled, or a whole lot of nothing scheduled, and it’s all up for grabs. Then there’s an unexpected invitation – come down to the Landmark Center and invent a new possibility for yourself and your life. Ok then. Hell yeah!

I was working on the area of life called my fitness levels. They have decreased of late. Have I lost weight? Yes. It seems 3-4 days a month being in bed has led to losing muscle… I don’t have enough fat to lose. And since I’ve been working remotely, from home, there’s a stronger pull to live a sedentary life. It’s easy to stay at a desk all day and into the evening, on the computer. Completely contradictory to living the Paleo lifestyle that I’ve been doing since 2010. Being active is an important aspect of being Paleo – it’s not just a diet. It also includes quality of sleep (yes, that means no phones or computers in the bedroom and no LED lights).

So here I am, thinking, I used to be an athlete. I’m not now. And to be honest, I don’t really think I care about it anymore. Resigned anyone? What I discovered for myself today is that being inspirational has been missing for me in this area. Being inspirational doesn’t mean having it all together. In fact, most human stories that are inspirational are only so because the person has had to deal with setbacks and obstacles. It’s not inspiring when someone is born an Olympian and breezes through. What inspires us is overcoming adversity, dealing powerfully with setbacks and not getting stopped. What inspires us is getting back on the horse and everything that takes. I’m finding there’s much more space for compassion rather than an expectation that I should already be there.

Where have you gotten back on the horse?

Love

Danica

Photo credit: Giovanni Lovisetto