Truth telling

Truth telling

I’ve been afraid today. There’s even been tears. My symptoms increased and I got afraid.

Thank goodness I have such good support around me. I spoke to my committed listener this morning and she said, wellbeing issues are arbitrary and capricious. And, that the best place to deal with them is in reality. In other words, call your health professional, in this case my Gynaecologist. No, not Google. Yes, Google and I have an intimate relationship – I ask Google all of my questions, deeply personal and otherwise almost every day. But Google is not my health professional, even when Google provides me with information and often answers. Recently I Googled clotting. What I noticed is that out of the three websites that provided this very specific information, only one left me with that I didn’t need to be afraid, I just needed to find out what was so. The others, I was being pulled into a fear based mood of mild anxiety – in other words, I was left with, there’s something wrong here. That mood of anxiety that hums in the background like a distant swarm, the thrown way we have as humans called there’s something wrong here. There must be something wrong.

What if I created All is Well and I’m happy? Could I stand it? What if my circumstances were the perfect ones for my growth and development? Could I really be happy no matter my circumstances? Now is the time to practice.

ps. My Gynaecologist says not to worry. Plus, after surgery on Nov 9, I’m gonna eat chocolate again…

Collage by Danica Lani