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Going Public

Going Public

This was my dirty secret. Earlier in the year, I had surgery to remove a polyp from the lining of my uterus. It didn’t make the difference to my monthly symptoms. What was uncovered however was a submucosal fibroid that is filling the cavity of my uterus. After months of working with a Traditional Chinese Medicine Doctor and seeing a gradual improvement in my symptoms, I’ve realised I don’t need to suffer and I could just deal with it out here, in reality. So last week, I booked myself in for surgery on Nov 9 to get the fibroid taken out. My new surgeon tells me it’s an easy procedure. I said, I’m glad it’s easy for you, but last time, it wasn’t easy for me. Apparently it’s like cutting through soft butter with hot copper wire.

In January, I had so much shame around having this wellbeing issue when most people know me as high energy, high metabolism and full of vitality that I kept it private and hidden. Actually, I was convinced that I was going to go in for surgery and not come back out. I knew it was illogical, possible even irrational, but that same tape just kept running in my mind until I was pretty much convinced. I figured I may as well use that drive for good, so I got my house in order. I even did my will which I’ve had on a list for years but never had any motivation to do.

This time, I’m doing things differently. I’m asking for support. My dear Mum is going to come up to Sydney and stay with me for a couple of days. I’m so touched by that. Last time my support person fell through and I was in such a bad state that the hospital refused to discharge me alone. I’m also going to continue working with my TCM Doctor, Dr Lily Liu to support me before and after and, I’ve decided that after surgery, chocolate/cacao is back on. It’s been a year and a half and I want my first chocolate to be made by raw chocolate creatrix, jazi. Not only will it be a melting of pure love and joy in my mouth, it also gives me a future that I’m excited about. I say, ‘bring it on!’

**Collage by Danica Lani, Feb 2015

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  • Dimity Ware on Sep 24, 2015 Reply

    As person with chronic disabilities I’m very aware of the shame job done on those with illness.. This is common and very oppressive to those living with disability. It’s also extremely primitive in its values and origin. Thank you for speaking out. Enjoy life. Love Dimity

    • Danica Lani on Sep 24, 2015 Reply

      Yes Dimity!
      I find I’m often the biggest culprit of that towards myself. Or perhaps one of the most impactful 🙂
      What have you found to be most empowering in the face of this? x

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