Do I?

Do I?

I’m afraid of marriage. No, it’s not the commitment – I’ve demonstrated my ability to commit in relationship. I love the commitment and devotion. It’s not the ‘forever’ either. I’m wired to dive straight into forever. It would always be an open marriage as it’s against my values to be sexually exclusive. So is it the cultural maya of marriage – the ‘trap’ of it? Is it that I’ve been rejected before when I asked the woman I loved to marry me several times and she said no?

When people ask me if I’m going to get married to my partner, I always say, ‘It’s not legal…’ I want to point that out. My view is – heterosexual people with the right to marry should be the ones to change this law and make it equal. And I’m glad some of you are finally speaking up. But I’m not going to do anything about it.

It’s just that I have a niggling feeling, a suspicion that I now use the ‘it’s not legal’ line to back people off. Because I’m afraid. I’m afraid of wanting something that I might not be able to have, I’m afraid of getting married just so we can get divorced, I’m definitely afraid of bringing two families together. I’ve had two families before and after losing one in the ‘divorce’, I can’t bear the thought of losing another…

Should we have the choice? Yes. Then just watch me squirm in the public declaration and legality of marriage. Here’s one way to make it equal – abolish marriage – what’s it got to do with the State anyway? I don’t even know if I believe what I just wrote…

The thing is, I don’t want to get straight married. I’m not for straight marriage. I’m personally just not ready for it. I’d rather get gay married. You know, where there’s lip synching at the engagement party and Lady Gaga costumes at the wedding under a big gay mirror ball…

Ps. Of course I do!

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